Sophomore Em Williams takes sips of her lime-green blended Starbucks tea during pauses in conversation about punk bands, classmates and her satisfaction with the barista for writing “Em” on her drink instead of just “M.” As she talks, the coffee chain’s token playlist of indie-folk music blares over the speakers and mixes in with the voices of high school students, businesspeople and medical students filling every single seat in the cozy building.
The constant chatter grows quiet as Williams begins her next topic of conversation, and heads turn to listen to the short girl wearing a grey beanie atop her blue-streaked hair.
“One of the most life-changing moments was when my dad found out that I’m pansexual,” Williams said as she leaned back on the cold leather couch.
It was July 2, two days before Williams planned to board a flight destined for San Diego. Williams had saved up $400 to buy a plane ticket in hopes of meeting up with a friend of hers, and both of her parents agreed to letting her take the trip. She was ecstatic.
Williams was talking on the phone when her dad overheard a conversation about her friend in California. When he learned that the two girls were more than just friends, he cancelled the trip. Williams was crushed.
“I had to tell him I was pansexual, and for a while it was really stressful because I couldn’t do anything with anybody, boy or girl.”
Williams said pansexuality differs from bi-sexuality because it covers an equal attraction to all genders including transgendered individuals. She said it also differs from sexualities that are more common because it’s based more upon attraction to an individual’s personality over physical appearance.
Although it was rough at first, Williams said her dad eventually learned how to see past her differences.
“He was sad to see me sad and ultimately decided that I, as his kid and a human being, didn’t deserve to be sad all of the time just because he didn’t approve.”
Williams said the topic is still a little touchy at home, but she finds support from her friends and GSA. She said many students see GSA as a resource specifically for gay individuals, but it’s a place of acceptance for people of all sexualities.
Another source of support for Williams is her friends. Williams said when she first came out to her best friend in the eighth grade, she stood shocked in the school bathroom when her friend remained completely calm and replied with a simple “okay.” She expected the same lack of acceptance from her friends that she had for herself.
Being from a small conservative city is sometimes hard for Williams, as she finds lots of opposition to her lifestyle. But she said she welcomes the disagreement because it makes it easier for her to weed out the negative people in her life.
“It’s one of those things where the people who matter don’t mind, and the people who mind don’t matter,” Williams said.
After slowly coming out to her whole group of friends, Williams said she felt a closer bond with them because they continued to see her as they always had; label or no label. She said their acceptance helped her find self-acceptance.
“It’s sad because you go through this thing where you think if you’re questioning this, then you’re going to question everything in your life and you’ll never be sure who you really are. But it’s okay because you’re a person, you’re a human being and you’re always changing. Labels don’t mean anything. I’m a vegetarian, but I won’t be forever. Even if I was going to be a vegetarian forever, that’d be fine too,” Williams said.
