by Caitlin Green.

“So what church do you go to?” she says innocently, cheerfully.

“Oh, I don’t go to church,” I say slowly, dryly.

This question instantly killed the exciting buzz of meeting a new potential friend. Her smooth forehead wrinkles and her sweet voice lowers.

“Oh, how come? Are you an atheist?”

The last word of hers was choked out with obvious disgust.

“I just don’t have time; I’m always working.”

The familiar lie is about as strong of a reflex as saying “I’m fine” when someone asks if I’m upset. I abhor this feeling of “wrong” given to me by society just because I don’t attend a church.

I’m almost not sure what to call this feeling. It’s a mixture of shame and embarrassment. I’d like to have the guts to say, “I’m just not religious,” but so far I’ve always let my reflex do the talking. I’m not a devil worshiper.  I simply do not go to church.

I have mixed feelings about religion and hearing a preacher tell me what I can and can not do to be “spared” and “accepted” by God just gives me a headache. I don’t like rules. I don’t like taking orders from a stranger. I especially don’t like labels. I’ve been called an atheist, not a lot, but enough to bother me. That word just doesn’t fit me.

People find it synonymous with hateful, evil, criminal, druggie, alcoholic, freak, Nazi and devil’s worker. I never said I don’t believe in God; I just don’t know for sure what exactly I do believe.  No matter what anyone says, there’s nothing wrong with that. There is nothing wrong with not knowing.

Would you still like me if I judged you as “ignorant” and “abnormal” simply because you didn’t understand today’s math lesson? Everyone else in the class gets it, why can’t you? Its not your fault you don’t do well with numbers. It’s okay that you just plain don’t like math.

Next time you hear the words “I don’t go to church” don’t picture a bitter, frowning, homeless, friendless person who spends his time doing drugs, drinking alcohol and causing trouble. Don’t label him an atheist. Don’t label him as anything other than just a person trying to make it in this world.

We can still watch movies together, check out hot guys together, struggle with our math homework together, etc. The only thing we can’t do is go to church together, and that one activity shouldn’t be the determining factor for whether or not a friendship can be sculpted.

I’ve heard a girl say she would never give the guy who liked her a chance, based solely on that fact that he didn’t go to a church. I almost asked her why she was even friends with me. She knows I don’t go to church. What made this guy any different than me? He laughed easily, dressed nicely, makes good grades, is extremely cute and a total sweetheart.

As soon as the labels are unstitched and brushed away, everyone is still just trying to make it in this world, the one we live in now, regardless of the world we may or may not go to after leaving this one.