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Photo | Connor Morris

Photo | Connor Morris

Photo | Connor Morris

Sebastian Diaz, Columnist

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**This is not to be taken seriously. This is satire. Look it up.

BERKELEY, CA- During her third baby shower in the past five years, Flora Neithart announced to friends and coworkers yesterday afternoon that her baby will be gender-fluid, eyewitnesses reported.

“I don’t think it would be okay or respectful to assume my baby’s gender,” Neithart said. “It just isn’t right.”

Neithart has a history of being open-minded and respecting individuality. Her two children, Parma and Olive, follow in her footsteps. The children are genderqueer with a known history of being “social butterflies” and “leaders” in their daycare unit. Neithart expects the same from the future child.

“Society needs people who stand out and know who they are,” Neithart said. “It’s bad enough that people already try to place others in these boxes. Well, you know what? The boxes are ripping apart and close to ruin. My child will be so far away from the box that it’ll make others want to come out of their box. I am a total believer in individuality.”

The festivities started around 2 p.m. at Neithart’s small apartment. When the announcement was made, friends and peers were quick to congratulate her. Jess Pomegran, Neithart’s best friend, expressed how “stunning” and “brave” the baby is going to be when the child arrives into the world.

“Little Baby Neithart is going to be such a special kid,” Pomegran said. “I mean, with a tough independent mother, two loving siblings and an affluent environment, the child is bound to achieve great things in life. Flora is so lucky. I’m jealous of how much potential Baby Neithart is going to have for being a voice for the voiceless.”

Neithart’s OB-GYN, Dr. Plum, could not attend the baby function; however, she was thrilled to see that the baby would be “free of labels.”

“When I laid my eyes on that sonogram, I just about erupted in tears,” Plum said. “At the instant, I knew the child would grow up to be a healthy, strong and beautiful person. We celebrate uniqueness.”

Neithart’s due date is set for early June, and she has already started putting together her baby bag. Nothing but sheer excitement can describe Neithart’s enthusiasm about giving birth a third time.

“Giving birth may seem like a chore, but when you know the beauty that’s going to pop out of it, the pain is all worth it,” Neithart said. “Watch out world, because you’re going to have precious angel come down from Heaven.”

At press time, Neithart refused to reveal the name of the child,reasoning that the name would be left to the child to decide as a “creativity exercise.”

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